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Friday, December 30, 2016

Ten predictions about events in 2017

(Before revealing the predictions for the New Year, I need to make a confession: I'm awful at predictions. So, treat these predictions with a generous dose of salt - as they are based purely on conjecture and imagination. If you feel offended by any of these predictions, you should visit a psychiatrist.)

1. Modi will announce his resignation on Dec 31: technically, this event will occur in 2016 (and not in 2017). Also, this is not even my prediction but that of blabbermouth Derek's - who thinks Modi will take responsibility for the demonetisation implementation fiasco and lay down office. Did I hear you mutter "Wishful thinking"?

2. Both new banknotes of Rs 2000 and Rs 500 will get demonetised: those who thought Modi was encouraging his moneyed business friends to store black money more easily by introducing the Rs 2000 notes, and Paki printing presses that are alleged to be churning out the new notes by the sackful, will get another big shock.

3. Cathouses will install PoS machines: otherwise the world's oldest profession will come to a standstill.

4. Our eastern neighbours will voluntarily change their eating habits: because of a steep drop in supply and consequent increase in prices as the flourishing multi-million Rupee cattle smuggling business of rural Bengal has been rendered inoperative.

5. Doctor's and Lawyer's fees will go up even further: already fees are up by 30-33% to take care of the tax component of hitherto undeclared cash collections.

6. Didi will suffer a serious bout of 'demonetitis': that is a completely new disease inflicting those who have been badly affected by demonetisation and have shouted themselves hoarse in protesting against it.

7. Amma's party will be split up by Chinnamma who wants to be the 'new' Amma: already members are beating up each other. Now the High Court has thrown its hat into the ring!

Enough politics. Now some predictions for sports lovers.

8. India's soccer (football) team will significantly improve its world ranking: from 135 - behind even Madagascar - to at least 133.

9. Arsenal will win the English Premier League after 12 years: after a mysterious stomach disease will prevent Chelsea players from winning a single game in the new year.

10. Rafa Nadal will win the French Open: now that he has included his friend and former French champion Carlos Moya in his coaching team, this particular prediction may actually come true!

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